Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves


This is, BY FAR, the best parenting book I've EVER read! I was told about it by a friend and have finally read it. I first must say that I was impressed after purchasing it to read that the authors mentioned in the beginning of the book who had influence to it's contents. Many of them follow along the same ideas and values that I do and for me that was so amazing because it's hard to find content for my kids that follow my beliefs. Many of the authors mentioned I've read books from. There are aspects of the book as I read that I can see how "being present" and following "the flow" of the child and there are definite unschooling references. 

I catch myself before reacting most of the time and do my best to separate myself from the situation so that I can respond to the needs of my kids. We are still working on some issues we are having but I know that sometimes these things take time. I am also not as hard on myself as I've been in the past. I find with other books I'd give up on reading them because I'd be so hard on myself, but this time I'm different. I'm sure that may have something to do with all of the other reading I've been doing, but it still has something to do with this book. I am going to have to read it again in a couple of months. The information in it is so different to what society says or what I was brought up to do.

It is a plan for parents to bring up children with respect and without punishment or rewards. Through her plan that she calls S.A.L.V.E. I've found that I'm going deeper into myself and learning why I react the way I do with my kids and how it isn't them at all. Kids mean well and only end up not meaning well when they've been taken the wrong way for too long and become desperate or feel insecure. I am going through a healing process and dealing with past experiences just through the process that I am going through with my kids. I'm learning so much about me and about them. It is just an extension of what I've been learning about already and the timing couldn't be better. 

The other great thing is that the skills learned in this book can also be used with other relationships (work, spouse, friends etc.) I used S.A.L.V.E. when having a disagreement with my husband this weekend and the pain body that came up from my past actually brought tears to my eyes for a moment. We got through it fine and I think that by sharing my "S" from S.A.L.V.E. experiences with him helped him to see what I was going through. I also asked him important questions that he could walk away with and think about within himself. 

Through the plan in this book the children and parents become healed from old hurts and learn to live together in the now (presence), in harmony, and with love. The other important thing here is that although there is a deep attachment built through Attachment parenting practices (CoSleeping etc.) the child learns detachment with his/her feelings. What I mean by this is that the child sees that his/her parents or a sibling didn't cause the feelings but that the feelings are owned by the child and that it's okay to feel. There are tips to get the child through the feelings okay so that they can move on. There are many examples, ideas, and tips throughout the book for many different scenarios. What a great book! 

"There is no right or wrong behaviour. The only meaningful choice is between fear and love." ~ Gerald Jampolsky, Ph.D (as quoted in the book)

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